It is the one year anniversary of this site and it has been 18 months since the passing of my wife of almost 11 years, Terri. As I read my original letter I wrote a year ago it is interesting to see how this website has evolved and, though slightly different from my original intent, it has helped many people across the US and even internationally. I originally started this website so that support groups could be formed, in particular one for those of us living in Minnesota. However, our loss could be considered quite rare. I have had hundreds visit this site and there exists 54 members as of this writing. I guess we can be thankful for how uncommon our loss is but we also know that everyday someone is loosing a spouse much too early in life.

We are all experiencing a battle to find our future, to find a way to live the rest of our lives without the one we loved so deeply. On this website you can read many stories about others who have lost and also the things they have done or are doing to help themselves regain value is this world. For me there were 3 specific things I did to deal with my grief. I'd like to share these just to give you one example of what you might find on this site.

Terri passed away on June 2, 2003 of a brain aneurysm. It was very sudden and without warning. She was my soul mate, my best friend, my lover and a cherished mother and grandmother. In 29 hours my life was changed forever. After about 2 months I decided to get some counseling. I attended a grief support group. This was helpful for the first meeting or two in that I learned I was not alone. Others had experienced similar losses and many were long battles with cancer or other diseases. By the third meeting I realized the group seemed to be fueling the grief rather than helping people deal with it. So continuing with this was not for me. Interestingly enough, others from the website often comment how most of these support groups have much older members which has made these groups less effective for younger widows/widowers.

The second step I took was to find God and Jesus. I was never very religious but thankfully Terri was. I know she is in heaven waiting patiently for me to join her in God's time. I was very fortunate to have worked for a very compassionate company who offered up a spiritual advisor to work with me. We had 5 sessions together to discuss many important aspects of the bible and specifically Jesus' purpose as our savior. I found a lot of comfort in this and often pray for strength and courage to get through the toughest days and challenges life throws at us.

The final action was a fateful meeting of a very special friend on the internet. I searched the web for some help, support groups, etc. and came across a web site for grief. I left a message but did not return to see if anyone had responded. A person from New York had also visited that website and responded to my note. When she did not see me respond she sent me an e-mail directly and we began sharing our stories. Anne lost her very beloved fiance only a few weeks after Terri died. Dick's death was also very sudden and without warning. Anne and I became very close friends. We shared our deepest feelings in e-mails and over the phone. I don't think either one of us would have survived through this without this friendship. Today we remain the very best of friends and you will be surprised to know that we still, to this day, have not met in person. We both look forward to that day when we will meet; (we've agreed worst case we will be at each other's wedding). You can see we've helped each other to except the fact we are young enough to find love again and we support each other in our pursuit of happiness.

Anne is my inspiration for this website and I hope that many persons who visit this website will also find similar contacts and friends who can help each other through the worst grief one can experience; the loss of a spouse, fiance or the love of their life.

May God bless you through the pain of grief and the return to a happy, healthy life.

Sincerely,
Don