First, I'm so sorry you need to be here...

Cancer treatment is all consuming, we went through 18 months of treatment before the docs said there was no hope. It is just a big slap in the face and seems like evil conquered good. I really don't know anyone who has gone through this experience (regardless of outcome) who has not been changed. The one you were so focused on has been lost, and it's hard to figure out where to go next.

If you feel you are getting lost, there are support groups and counseling for people suffering a loss due to cancer.

I completely get what you are feeling.  My husband had brain cancer for almost six years.  My whole life was about doctors visits, MRI's, and finding the best treatment possible for my husband.  It was all encompassing.  In June when the doctors said there is nothing more we can do, I didn't know what to do.  How could this be?  We had fought so hard and been through unspeakable treatments, this wasn't fair.  Even though I knew that my husband would probably not survive such a horrible diagnosis somewhere deep inside, I always held out hope that he would be the one to beat it.  And he always believed that too.  So when the end was in front of me.......I was shocked, mad, and felt so incredibly helpless.   And while the sudden death of a spouse is difficult, we have the added difficulty of having been a caretaker for a very sick person.  It is horrible.  After my husbands' surgery in March which went terribly wrong, I lost 27 pounds in three months.  I feel more fragile now than I ever have in my life.  Being a caretaker takes alot out of you, so please take care of yourself.  I am older so I can only imagine how hard it is for you being so young and not having someone your age to relate to.  If it is any comfort, I am 54 and none of my friends can relate to me either.  They tell me things like, you are still young, you will meet someone else and life will go on.  Argghhh.  Not what I want to hear right now, I just want my husband back. Period.  I know they mean well, but it is hard to hear.  Take care, I  get it.