Tom,
You do have my story correct.  kate was diagnosed 8 Oct 2008 and died 13 sept 2009.  She died from lung mets from breast cancer and yes, she was put on a ventilator after a failed attempt to operate and give her some lung capacity back.  She told me "2 days, tops, on a vent" before she went into surgery.  I followed through and had the same guilt feelings, knowing that my say so took her off that vent and she would die.  She would have never wanted to live like that and it was the right decision: living hooked up to machines isn't living.

As Camie said, the cancer killed our spouses, not our decision to stop life support.  I, and a few others here know this hell of having to make this decision and I am so truly sorry this happened to you.  My heart aches for you...I remember those early months.

Come here and read and post: this site has been a daily part of m,y life since Jan. when i stumbled across it.
Feel free to PM me if you need to.

Its a long road but it really does get more bearable.  its early for you...just remember to breath when the really bad grief comes on.

Peace.

Mike